I feel I’m ready now, but I am intimidated by the idea of going to a sports bar to meet men. Besides working and meeting with friends, I ride my bike with a big club and go to races on weekends. I feel overwhelmed by the idea of “circulating” in addition to my work, friends, and sports. Do you think I could attract the man of my dreams into my life while continuing with my current activities, if I used the affirmations and other techniques in your book? Thanks for your help.

A sports bar is a great place to meet guys, especially at this time of year (I’ll get back to that in a minute), but it’s definitely not the only way. If you’re involved in a “big club,” meeting friends, and so on, it sound like you are already giving yourself ample opportunities to meet new men (and even if you don’t meet new men, meeting new women helps, too — they tend to have male coworkers, brothers, cousins, etc. Every friend you make belongs to a new social universe).

Do this in a relaxed manner. Don’t allow yourself to feel overwhelmed. It’s a process, not a job. Back to the sports bar thing, which does overwhelm you: Don’t do it. But, for readers who want one more means of meeting new people, show up at a comfortable bar for Monday Night Football. Different bars attract different crowds, so take a friend and pop in and out of them until you find the right fit. Become a familiar face there. Tip the bartender well. Don’t get drunk.

The truth is, when your love life becomes your whole life, you won’t have enough of a life to share with a mate. If you abandon either priority you’ll be at risk of losing both. Who you are — and how you are– are much too valuable for you to EVER let that happen. “My steps toward my mate, whoever he is, are now coming from desire for a relationship, NOT from fear of being alone. Neither one of us benefits if I give up my life to get his love.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.